Sunday, December 30, 2007

Moose vs. Elk! And Other Games.

So I had this dream. This beautiful, glorious dream. There was a video game in it. A video game titled Moose vs. Elk.

You know the graphics from that "I want my MTV" Dire Straits commercial? These were the graphics. You played as a little smooth lego man. The game was basically "The Floor Is Lava" in the suburbs - jumping from house to car to tree to – you got it – mooses. Moose? Meese?

Anywho. The elk don't come into play until level three, but I never got that far. I think at some point they fight? Or you have to avoid the elk and only jump on the moose? I do not know. I did not get that far in the game.

Yet, a new game was born of it. Remember the friendship deck? Of cards? The friendship deck of cards? WELL, you take the cards and get a group of friends together and turn over the cards one by one. As such:


Then everyone has to decide whether Alicia is a moose or an elk. You can make the odd people out drink. So a sample game:


"Um..., yeah, total Moose."
"Elk!! ... Oh goddamnit." ::drinks::

Then there's the sequel (same canon), Moose vs. Elk, but Sometimes Lamprey. This is a three-player game. Each player gets a card. Then the group decides which one is the moose, which is the elk, and which is the lamprey. Elk doesn't drink, moose drinks once, lamprey twice. For example:


"Well, Paul's clearly the moose."
"Really? I think he's more elk."
"Not more than Helen."
"Oh, good point. Yeah Paul's the moose then."
"And Liz is the lamprey."
"Well, obviously."

And people drink accordingly. Helen zero times, Paul once, Liz twice.

Then there's Obstacles. This is a video game with two levels (only two).

The first level is a birds eye view, Nintendo® quality graphics. Your character has to make his way from point A to point B without running into any obstacles. The level is a park. Just walk, sidestep if you come across a tree or a bench or a a bird fountain, and then continue. Each step comes with a small "beep" noise. If you hit an obstacle, you stagger back three steps, stunned. Then you may continue. This level is called "Literal Obstacles."

The second level is titled "Metaphorical Obstacles." The graphics are ... think Mary Worth. The obstacle (there's only one) is the glass ceiling. You are a woman with an entry-level position at a corporation. The goal is to work your way up to a management level position. Characters with artificial intelligence will talk to you. Your boss will sexually harass you. You will have three choices of dialogue. Your answers will determine whether you can overcome the glass ceiling of being a woman in the workplace.

We are still trying to think of a way to play Obstacles with the friendship deck.

What we have figured out how to play with the friendship deck is Strip-Frank. I shall teach you!

Take the friendship deck, and make sure you have plenty of friends around. Shuffle the deck up. Real nice. Shuffle it real nice and good. Then suspensively (not suspensefully – that's not a word) flip over each card, one by one. As such:


etc., etc. ... until ...


At which point everyone yells, "FRAAANK!!" and takes off one article of clothing. Then continue ...

[Tyler Thomas]

etc., etc., until you have gone through the entire deck. If you want, I suppose you could re-shuffle and go through the deck again. But this is not necessary. Actually, it's frowned upon
in some circles. Most circles. Like so:


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