Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Nick Shepard!


Dream Boys!

A game that, due to its grade school giddiness, is catching other rather quickly.

First, make a list of all the boys you and the other players know. Next, disregarding sexual orientation and availability, pick out and order the boys by how likely you are to become involved with in some fashion. Then try picking out Dream Boys for your friends, too! Don't forget to sing the Dream Boys song† while you play!

My Dream Boys were Daniel Fleisher and David Hardee Watkins. Who are your Dream Boys?
†Dream Boys song: [To the tune of the Muppet Babies theme] Dream boys, we're dreaming a dream of you | Dream boys, here's hoping that dream comes true | Dream, dream, dream, dream | Boys, boys, boys, boys | Dream Boys! (Dreams can come true!)

Noah's (Plant) Ark

Here's a game I got from one Paul Smith.

Pick 19 people (you'll be number 20) and explain to them this scenario:

God has destroyed the world. You and 19 others have been selected to continue life on a new planet, perfectly suitable for life. The only problem is that all the plant life is completely useless to humans. Not a single plant can be tapped for a single human use. Each individual can select five Earth plants to bring with them to the new world (mushrooms count as plants here), and these selections must be made without any communication with the other survivors. Any overlap in plants doesn't bring any extra benefit — you still get the same number of those plants that you would have had only one person selected it, and you don't have the variety of plant life that you potentially could have had.

I suppose you could play with animals, too. I suppose ...

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Trampdance! Flyers

In the interest of self-promotion, I've drafted up a few flyers for our apartment (christened "Trampdance!"). Here are a few of my favorites:

You might reasonably ask what exactly it is that I'm advertising. Yes, that would be reasonable.

Thursday, August 23, 2007


Survivor: China Cast Announcement

I know, I know, I vowed that I was done with Survivor, and I stand by that, but I couldn't resist getting a peek at the recently released cast announcement. Here's a very brief overview of the cast — see if you can pick up on a few themes:
  1. Aaron: Surf instructor (read: actor)
  2. Amanda: Hiking instructor (read: model — former Ms. Montana)
  3. Ashley: Professional wrestler / (Playboy) model
  4. Chicken: Chicken farmer (salt of the earth, blue collar male)
  5. Courtney: Waitress (read: model)
  6. Dave: (Former) model
  7. Denise: Lunch lady (salt of the earth, blue collar female)
  8. Erik: Model / musician
  9. Frosti: Athlete / student (read: dancer — toured with Madonna)
  10. Jaime: Student (read: actor)
  11. James: Gravedigger (novelty job!)
  12. Jean-Robert: Pro poker player (novelty job!)
  13. Leslie: Christian radio show host (read: former model — Ms. North Carolina)
  14. Peih-Gee: Jeweler (read: dancer — in Madonna music videos)
  15. Sherea: Teacher (with modeling shots)
  16. Todd: (Gay) flight attendant (with modeling shots)
Huh. That's a lot of models, former models, and people who seem to want to model, and then when you throw in the actors and dancers, you get 12 out of 16 who work(ed) as a model/actor/dancer or are attempting to. Then two former Ms. States, and two Asian dancers for Madonna (o_O).

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Unabashed Moppetry

At the tender age of three, Cleopatra Stratan has become the hottest new star on the Romanian Toddler Pop charts. Check out her big single, "Ghiţă," from her album La vârsta de trei ani (Translation: At the Age of Three).

Saturday, August 18, 2007

"OK, you'll love this pitch: what if we had the same show — but they're *babies*?!"

I can't decide which show idea I like more: M*A*S*H Babies or Ally McBabies.

Friday, August 17, 2007


The Titular Post

Adventures in Friendship!™

I have created a game (title above) wherein you take index cards, write down the names of as many people as you know, and shuffle them. Next, get with some friends, and have everyone draw a card — that's the person you're hypothetically friends with! Fun inevitably ensues!

"Yay, I get to be friends with Larsy!!"

"Hahaha! Helen! That's hilarious!"

"You got Jose?! I'm so jealous!"

"Aw man, I got Alex again!"

Try it out for yourself!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Guess Who: This Time, It's Personal

A game for 2+ players.

Equipment Needed:
1 Pencil
A list of 20 mutual friends and acquaintances (number flexible).

One player selects a person from the list and poses as that person. The other players take turns asking yes or no questions to try and determine the identity of the person. E.g., "Would I feel comfortable getting dinner alone with you?," "Do you have a good sense of style?," or "Do you affect indifference in order to seem cooler?" The guessers narrow down the list until they guess the identity of the player.


Friday, August 10, 2007

A(n Almost Entirely) True Story About Bed Sharing

When I first decided to share a room with Trevor, the idea seemed exciting. In our mutual interest of cheaper rent, Trevor agreed to be the fourth person squeezed into our modestly sized three-bedroom apartment. The immediate benefit was obvious — our already inexpensive Carrboro apartment had become inexpensive even by 1970’s standards, and since I was to be sharing a room with him, the bulk of the savings fell in my lap. A month’s rent would become about the price of 10 large pizzas.

“Of course, we’d have to share a bed,” Trevor said.

If people actually did spit-takes outside of tired comedy gags, I’d have done one. Trevor seemed to pick up on this.

“Well your room isn’t big enough for two beds,” he started, “and I’m not paying for bunk beds, and I doubt you are either. Besides, it’s only for a few months.”

He had a point. And, I had to admit, the idea of two unrelated and sexually uninvolved men sharing a bed piqued my interest in the name of novelty. The comedic jewel of this scenario was Trevor’s girlfriend, living 500 miles away in New York City. It would be a good conversation piece, I thought, an icebreaker. I could regale people with hilarious anecdotes about it at parties. It was exactly the kind of madcap sitcom frolic I was looking for in my life. Only how would we explain things to Mr. Roper?

“Alright,” I exclaimed. “Let’s do it!”

Our friends were unsurprisingly nonplussed. “Wait, this is insane, you can’t do this,” they would say. “What about his girlfriend?”

“Not a problem,” I would reply without hesitation. “She lives in New York. She’ll probably never even come down in the few months we share a room. And besides, she doesn’t mind.”

She really didn’t. In fact, Beth was veritably jubilant over the idea. “Aw, that would be so cute!” was her response to our proposal. “You just make sure to snuggle up close to Trevor on those cold nights.”

This didn’t satisfy my still aghast friends. “Well, what if you were going to have sex?” After a skeptical and hearty, “Ha!” from me, however, my friends nodded and acquiesced. “Okay, point taken.”

The newfound presence of Trevor in my room went relatively unnoticed. His spartan decorative style did little to disrupt my room’s meticulously designed layout, save the addition of a few extra sweaters in the closet. His droll and unassuming persona was at its worst unobjectionable, and at its best mildly pleasant. He was unable to be embarrassed — everything he needed to do in the bathroom he felt comfortable doing with the door wide open. (This was a quality I found strangely admirable at the time but would later come to regret.) Though Trevor would sometimes mild-manneredly mumble on about computer programming or the latest episode of This American Life, he typically remained silent. Trevor was, essentially, furniture. It was like having a nightstand with a dry wit. Sharing a bed wasn’t even odd. We could both sleep comfortably in our roomy, Queen size bed and someone could still park a motorbike between us.

A couple of months into our new living arrangement, I took a long weekend up in Indianapolis to attend an academic conference. I returned tired and cranky from all the 5:30AM mornings I’d just endured and determined to get a long night’s sleep in my own bed. It was to my not-so-pleasant surprise that I opened the door to my apartment to find Beth and Trevor sitting on the couch. All three of us immediately attempted to mask our horrified shock with enthusiasm.

“Hi, Beth!” I shouted, trying to bare all my teeth with my grin so that the next thing I said wouldn’t seem rude. “What are you doing here?”

Trevor spoke for her. “Welcome home!” he said in an unconvincingly chipper singsong tone. “Beth is in town visiting. You’re back early!”

“Nope, right on time!” My cheeks were starting to burn from the strain of my exaggerated smile. For a moment, we quietly looked up with quizzical expressions, all calculating the best strategy for getting dibs on the bed. I pounced first. “Well, I’m beat. Night!” I briskly strolled to our bedroom, flushed but smirking.

Sometime around 2:00AM, that imaginary motorbike had finally arrived at its parking spot, and it felt uncannily Beth-shaped. I dreamily pushed the Beth-shaped motorbike out of my mind and returned to saving my high school from a swarm of locusts and Lord Voldemort.

Come 7:30AM, the Beth-shaped motorbike had become increasingly difficult to ignore, as it had begun to emit girlish gasps and moans amidst a din of smacking lips. My eyes sprung open. “This is not happening,” I thought. “This is not happening.” It was happening. I hugged the wall as tightly as possible and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to drown out the noise by humming “Show Me the Way to Go Home” in my head.

A few minutes later, what had been difficult to ignore became impossible to ignore, as the rhythm of a bouncing bed joined the chorus of gasps, moans and smacking. My entire body was rolling with the undulations of the mattress, bobbing in time with their thrusting. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a leg askew.

Sure, I could have simply left to go sleep on the couch, but my stubborn pride wouldn’t let me. I felt entitled enough to the bed to lay there in silent protest.

Looking back, I wish I had thought of all the ingenious ideas my friends had come up with later. I wish I had sat up, turned around, and stared unflinchingly at them. I wish I had started jumping up and down, belting out show tunes. I wish I had feigned masturbating. Instead, I turned to the only tool I could think of: my mother. I grabbed my cell phone and, trying to steady my hand against the jerking of the bed, text messaged my mother that I loved her.

Somehow I thought that surely nobody could have sex next to someone communicating with his mother; to do so would be indecent. I was wrong. “Who are you texting?” Trevor calmly asked, mid-thrust.

“My mother!” I huffily replied.

“Oh, neat.” Trevor and Beth continued, unfazed.

Moments later, the situation climaxed with a call from my mother. “Hi Mom!”

Bounce, bounce, bounce.

“Nope, no reason.”

Bounce, bounce.

“Just wanted to say I loved you.”


“Okay, I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.”

The bouncing had stopped. I lay there, livid, yet simultaneously impressed with their unflappability.

Beth left the next day, only to return once more during the unusual living arrangement. This time it was directly on the heels of a camping trip she and Trevor were on that was cut short by a cold snap. Upon seeing them, I quickly resumed my phony enthusiasm. “Hi! Good to see you guys! You’re back early.”

“It’s freezing out there,” Trevor said, him and Beth both visibly shivering. “We couldn’t take it anymore. We just want a hot shower and a warm bed.” Both dashed off to the shower and a sly smile crept over my face as I came up with a clever ruse.

A few minutes later, a scream came from within the shower. Trevor popped his head out of the bathroom door. “Is the hot water heater broken?”

“Oh yeah,” I lied. I had turned the washing machine on and flushed the other toilet as soon as I heard the shower come on. “It’s been like that the last few days.”

“Nevermind this,” he said. “We’re going to a hotel.”

I smirked to myself as I walked back to my room and settled down for the night all alone in my roomy, Queen size bed.

The names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent, lol. :|