Monday, December 31, 2007

It's New Year's!!

Eve. It's New Year's Eve.

A Dating Tip

These are unattractive qualities: insecurity, desperation and emotional breakdowns. Try to downplay them when attempting to attract others.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Christmas with the Folks

So slightly personal but anecdote-relevant, I recently had a falling-out with most of my friends (fixed in part now, but there was a good month, extending past Christmas, where there was a dearth of friendship in my life. And I hate that).

So, my parents, with their wisdom that comes with age, mentioned a great new way for me to make friends: financial seminars in Raleigh. You know, learning about investing, 401(k)s, all that ... jazz.

I retorted that I would mostly be meeting middle-aged married couples and thirtysomething businesswomen who are late for their pilates class. They retorted that I was too narrow-minded. Both valid points.

They also had this Christmas party filled with middle-aged men and women I couldn't distinguish from one another, asking me about what I'm going to do now that I've graduated. It was like The Graduate without a hot older woman. I texted several friends that just in the hopes that someone would text me back, "One word: plastics." Thanks, Alicia! <3

OMG

My blog's kind of good. I bet it could be a thing. Like a fad thing. Like everyone goes around saying, "Oo, let's see what Brett blogged about today."

Go get people to do that. Go on. Go.

Brett in the Closet!!

Remember that game? Well it really wasn't a game, was it. It was more of a skit. (More of? It was a skit).

For the ignorant few, Brett in the Closet was a series of skits (well, two skits) written by Kenton deAngeli†. It was a bit of a parody of a sitcom, the Three's Company kind, wherein David Hardee Watkins was a struggling performance artist and Kit Fitzsimmons his wacky next-door neighbor, an accountant always throwing wild accountant parties, coming up with get rich quick schemes, and trying to get laid.

What made Brett in the Closet unique was that when David Hardee Watkins moved into his apartment, it came with an unusual feature: a Brett in the closet. Whenever David Hardee Watkins had the blues or a conundrum he needed to work out, he would seek out Brett's guidance, which was childlike yet sage.

Every episode (ALL TWO!!) ended with David Hardee Watkins going to bed and having late night talks with his Brett in his closet. It was very poignant and touching. The good kind.

Me taking my craft seriously and thus being a character actor (the only true kind of actor. !), I actually lived in David Hardee Watkins' closet. Well, tried to. Not that he wouldn't let me; he was practically JUMPING at the idea of me living in his closet (seriously jumping up and down, giggling, like really happy about the idea – he even lit some sparklers after I suggested it), but his closet was full and we were both so tired from all the jumping we didn't clean it out. Then we kept forgetting to, then whenever we'd talk about it again we'd get all worked up and then the jumping would happen, blah blah, same scenario.

Anyways, this brings me to my point. David Hardee Watkins has since moved out west, to live in some town somewhere that's not here. Manitoba, I think. That's beside the point. I still wanted to live in someone's closet. I still want to live in someone's closet. You know, for kids. I mean kicks. Not kids, kicks. Kids doesn't make sense in that context. It doesn't at all. >:(

Kevin Michael Clair, I know you'd be all about gettin' some Brett up in your closet, but sadly you live in ... Amish country? Somewhere far away and probably cold. Any other takers? Paul?? ::expectant look::

Does anyone even still read this thing?

†Kenton has since moved on to publish his own book, happily marry and move to Manitoba, I think.

Moose vs. Elk! And Other Games.

So I had this dream. This beautiful, glorious dream. There was a video game in it. A video game titled Moose vs. Elk.

You know the graphics from that "I want my MTV" Dire Straits commercial? These were the graphics. You played as a little smooth lego man. The game was basically "The Floor Is Lava" in the suburbs - jumping from house to car to tree to – you got it – mooses. Moose? Meese?

Anywho. The elk don't come into play until level three, but I never got that far. I think at some point they fight? Or you have to avoid the elk and only jump on the moose? I do not know. I did not get that far in the game.

Yet, a new game was born of it. Remember the friendship deck? Of cards? The friendship deck of cards? WELL, you take the cards and get a group of friends together and turn over the cards one by one. As such:

[Alicia]

Then everyone has to decide whether Alicia is a moose or an elk. You can make the odd people out drink. So a sample game:

[Kenton]

"Moose!"
"Um..., yeah, total Moose."
"Elk!! ... Oh goddamnit." ::drinks::

Then there's the sequel (same canon), Moose vs. Elk, but Sometimes Lamprey. This is a three-player game. Each player gets a card. Then the group decides which one is the moose, which is the elk, and which is the lamprey. Elk doesn't drink, moose drinks once, lamprey twice. For example:

[Helen]
[Paul]
[Liz]

"Well, Paul's clearly the moose."
"Really? I think he's more elk."
"Not more than Helen."
"Oh, good point. Yeah Paul's the moose then."
"And Liz is the lamprey."
"Well, obviously."

And people drink accordingly. Helen zero times, Paul once, Liz twice.

Then there's Obstacles. This is a video game with two levels (only two).

The first level is a birds eye view, Nintendo® quality graphics. Your character has to make his way from point A to point B without running into any obstacles. The level is a park. Just walk, sidestep if you come across a tree or a bench or a a bird fountain, and then continue. Each step comes with a small "beep" noise. If you hit an obstacle, you stagger back three steps, stunned. Then you may continue. This level is called "Literal Obstacles."

The second level is titled "Metaphorical Obstacles." The graphics are ... think Mary Worth. The obstacle (there's only one) is the glass ceiling. You are a woman with an entry-level position at a corporation. The goal is to work your way up to a management level position. Characters with artificial intelligence will talk to you. Your boss will sexually harass you. You will have three choices of dialogue. Your answers will determine whether you can overcome the glass ceiling of being a woman in the workplace.

We are still trying to think of a way to play Obstacles with the friendship deck.

What we have figured out how to play with the friendship deck is Strip-Frank. I shall teach you!

Take the friendship deck, and make sure you have plenty of friends around. Shuffle the deck up. Real nice. Shuffle it real nice and good. Then suspensively (not suspensefully – that's not a word) flip over each card, one by one. As such:

[Cameron]
[Daniel]
[Leilani]
[nickd]

etc., etc. ... until ...

[Frank]

At which point everyone yells, "FRAAANK!!" and takes off one article of clothing. Then continue ...

[Breniecia]
[Susie]
[Tyler Thomas]
[Cole]

etc., etc., until you have gone through the entire deck. If you want, I suppose you could re-shuffle and go through the deck again. But this is not necessary. Actually, it's frowned upon
in some circles. Most circles. Like so:

:(

Hey Everybody

Let's go DIY.

Who wants to DIY with me?

I do, fuck yeah. Let's go DIY the shit out of this place.

Cool. I'll hit that.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

At Least I'll Get the Joke

Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart

Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

INSTRUMENTAL

Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround, Every now and then I know you'll never be the boy you always wanted to be
Turnaround, But every now and then I know you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, Every now and then I know there's no one in the universe as magical and wondrous as you
Turnaround, Every now and then I know there's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
Well be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
Nothing I can do

A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Monday, December 3, 2007

Well There's No Sense in Denying a Good Drink its Glory

So I seem to have a knack for inventing yummy drinks. This one may be a harder sell, however.

In trying to find a happy medium of caffeine between an iced Americano and and iced tea, I tried an iced tea with a shot of coffee (not espresso). HOW UNORTHODOX!!

The result was actually pleasing. I added a little cream, and I rather like it. It tastes like an iced, subtly herbal tea. And I don't like herbal teas. The coffee desiccates the cloyingness from the typically overwhelming sweet iced Southern tea and replaces it with some earthy, aromatic notes. It's kind of like a chai, but less heavy.

Try one for yourself!

Title in progress.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

On That Note ...

Take that last post as indicative. Or appropriate.

There may not be as many posts in this blog for the upcoming few weeks. As the title indicates, friendship fuels the blog, and a recent friendship genocide is causing a friendship blog blackout.

So like me, just watch that ABBA video over, and over, and over ...

It really is haunting.

Hey? Who wants to watch Muriel's Wedding?